This night was extremely fruitful and to the point where I was making more than 90% of archaeologists in Whatcom County. My first passenger was a preschool teacher. She has learned much from her kiddy winks. Later in her life she wants to explore behavioural traits in children. The most fascinating kids are the ones that aren’t considered normal. I laughed and said that’s like me and my passengers. If they’re not interesting they’re not worth writing about. In turn, limiting or bunching people together into one paragraph as opposed to dedicating one paragraph per person.
Then I had a lady in town for Women in Business event. She was visiting from Mt. Vernon. Her profession is a flower creative director. “Um what’s that I asked?” “We come up with ideas about how to improve flower arrangements”. “Really?” “Yes”. Apparently Australia and the UK are getting on board with this too. I’m still confused by what she actually does for a living. “Aren’t you just a florist?” “No it’s far more creative and involved than that”. “Oh I see”. 🙄😒🙁😰🤯. The funny thing about this world is that if you think there’s a need for a profession or a job that’s building on another job, you can honestly do anything. Want to go into someone’s house and rearrange their furniture? Yes? Well congratulations you’re now an interior designer. It’s only because people become too familiar with their own world and don’t think out of the box. Heck maybe I should become a bed specialist. I would come in look at someone’s bed and advise what needs to be changed according to what I think. “Too many pillows, your sheets don’t match the wallpaper, rip off the wall paper and paint the walls, then you can have those sheets. Sorry but the room is too small for the bed you have, let’s knock down the house and rebuild and make sure the bedroom is big enough for your dream bed”. I could spin some BS that the bedroom is the most important part of your house, discussing how much sleep someone should have and that comfort is key. See I just built on the concept of interior design and specialised it to cater for specific rooms. Wonderful. Think of archaeology, you can specialise your profession if you want to and specifically look at human bones that’s a forensic anthropologist, osteologist looks at bones from human to faunal, archeo ornithologist looks at birds in the archaeological record, paleoanthropologist analyses ancient hominid remains and the material culture associated with it. Every job, every profession, there’s a way to make a job from a job. If you can’t find a job, then make one. Think of something that you think has a need, make it until you break it.
I dropped her off and then my uber and Lyft apps started to malfunction. I managed to finish the ride, but unfortunately I couldn’t go into the apps. Turned off my phone and turned it back on, optimized it. Went into the apps. Went online and there was a huge lag. It was frustrating. Then eventually it worked. Ping! Uber wouldn’t show me where to go so I started to drive. It was routing, but didn’t show me where to go. Eventually the app worked. I turned off Lyft and noticed I was going the opposite direction. One of my friends asked me if I could pick them up and drop them off that evening. I agreed to.
Arriving at my third passengers house. Three people heading into town for a brew or two. Generic questions floated around. “How’s your day going?” “Splendid thanks”. Then a joke from one of my male passengers. “A man is walking down the road drunk, he comes across a STOP sign and starts to hump it. A police officer shows up and says ‘I’m going to have to arrest you for sexual assault’. ‘Why’s that responded the drunk humper?’ ‘The sign clearly says STOP!’.” Laughter roared from my vehicle. The bloke up front said a joke, but it wasn’t as funny. Then I told them two jokes. The first was pretty tame. “Why did the scarecrow win an award?” “Why?” “Because he was the most outstanding in his field”. Laughter from everyone and the lady snorted whilst she laughed. Next was one I heard from an old fella monitoring in Wollongong. I remember like it was yesterday. I’m watching an excavator digging out the side of a sand hill for new gabian reinforcement platform and netting. There’s a fence around the operation. The man asked me what I’m doing? “Just doing some archaeology monitoring”. He smirked and said “I’ve got a joke for ya”. “OK go ahead”. “How do you confuse an archaeologist?” I respond “how?” “Give him a tampon and ask what period it’s from”. The man got me to laugh and he wandered off. To be quite honest I was confused more about the joke and the old guy that told me it, more than that silly concept. He never went on about pyramids, Indiana Jones, or stupid unnecessary queries about dinosaurs. Just the joke. My passengers loved the joke. I wish there were more passengers telling jokes more often. It’d make my night go smoother.
Then I went to pick up my friends. Awesome as always.
Next was a project manager for a construction company. He only uses Lyft because uber never remembered his account details. Fair enough. I mentioned it was particularly dark in his neighborhood, he said it’s because it’s the county and not the city. Then 3,2,1. “Welcome to Bellingham, this is now the city”. ” Oh yes I see the lights now”.
Next was a huge trip to Ferndale from the airport. First time using uber. They had a dog. I said it’s totally fine. This doggo was a little stinky though, but sniffed my ear affectionately. The bloke was a security gate manufacturer and the lady was an interior designer. They were very friendly.
Next passenger was a guy heading to the gay club in town. He had the shortest shorts on. Smaller than stubbies. I think I have underwear longer than that. He was a Mexican, with a accent similar to one of my mates. He sounded like an Ecuadorian friend of mine, especially when he said Australia. Austraaaylia. That’s hard to write, can’t really emphasize it properly. He thanked me for being so kind. I mean I generally am.
Bunch of students followed. They were obsessed with my accent. One lady said “don’t you call McDonald’s Maccas?” “Yes we do!”
Then a guy called Sydney. Couldn’t help but advise to go to Sydney. It’s on his list fantastic.
Next was two guys heading to a satanic cult near by. It’s apparently a modern art sculpture. Kids go there and play death metal and drink. They didn’t seem like demon worshipers at all. One guy was wanting to have a beer with me because he loves Australia and he was going there soon. The other gent had been there once before and stayed in Perth, Brisbane and Tasmania. “Tassie? Why there? Not many foreigners go there”. He laughed and said he knew people down there. Righto.
After dropping them off I had contemplated an idea for a fictional book or maybe short story. I’ve already started writing after this thought. I’m in two minds on how to start and finish it. Anyway another a ping. A guy and a girl. It was at a house I thought I had been to before. I’m sure I had or maybe it was the neighbors house. The house across the road was majestic and massive. Definitely seen it on a previous uber drive. As I normally do I asked my regular questions like what they do for a living. The guy said he was in real estate. Then the lady said she was a stripper. I laughed “Nah come on what do you actually do?” “I’m actually a stripper at Deja Vu in Seattle. I’m visiting my high school friend here.” “Ah wow OK, sorry I thought you were pulling my leg” I replied. She had only started a few months ago, but was enjoying it.
I dropped them both off down town when the guy started freaking out about a former girlfriend who was hanging out the front of the bar. I said “I can take you somewhere else if you want?” “Oh yes please do”. I drove a few metres up the road. “This is fine”. “OK have a great night”.
Ping! Next passenger a social worker who helps the mentally ill get jobs in town. We chatted about how rewarding his job is and how he makes resumes more appealing for the workplace.
Then some college students. I picked them up at bar they were heading home after a night on the piss aka drink. A guy and a girl, one works in a cheese shop. Then their friends crossed the road in front of us. The girl in the back yells at her friend. Next thing you know this blond shiela pulls her top down in front of me and my passengers out of the blue! My mouth dropped. Eyes opened. Public flashing for everyone one to see. It was like something out of one of those college movies America produces on bulk. Ay carumba! It was unexpected. I drove off and chatted with my passengers trying to move on from the spontaneity of that situation.
After I dropped my passengers off I got another ping. A lady from Whidbey Island who works at Bob’s Burgers. Be a good name for a show. Oh wait.
Next was a videographer. She works all over the world filming people on Twitch accounts. Video gamers. She also said she was heading to Europe to film a Jameson commercial. Sounds fun.
Next was a few people that love kittens. I almost hit three in the middle of the road hanging out under a bridge. Oh boy. I missed them all. They liked my stance on gun control and that Australia is too strict and wouldn’t work for the USA. Something in between that could help. Licences, psychological testing and safes could be better options here. A buyback wouldn’t work in the USA, because there’s over 250 million guns owned and essentially the United States would have to borrow money from China to afford it. Also one of my passengers had a friend who lives in Wollongong. Ha. Did my honours there.
Then I had an old fella who was extremely hammered but willing to chat the way home. Super nice gent. Works as a social worker. It was past 2am and he had a beauty of a night. Drinking the night away.
My above quote came from three students. One who knaps and uses ancient techniques to survive in the wilderness. When they found out about everything I had accomplished as an archaeologist. They were gobsmacked. They compared me to Indiana Jones. Ha funny buggers. “You’re like the real life Indiana Jones”. I told them most of my key finds and areas I’ve worked. They were excited to be in my car. Later that morning they tipped me $20. It was only an $11 journey. Couldn’t believe it. So I found if I talk about myself and my archaeology career in depth I get tipped handsomely. We even spoke about Sentinel Island. The offshore island of the coast of India, which has non contacted society living in isolation from the rest of the world. Most people leave them alone, except one guy recently who thought he could bring Christianity to the island and inevitably got killed. The community is hostile and won’t accept new blood amongst them. It’s extremely fascinating.
Finally I unexpectedly got a VIP at the casino, who was super generous to me. We talked about her doggy day care business at length. It sounded like a great gig. $40-60 a dog.
13 trips uber 7 trips Lyft. Until tomorrow.
