As I’m getting close to my 100th trip already here’s the latest.
First chap used me twice. Second time he gave me cash in hand. Legend straight off the bat.
One trip had five people wanting to venture into my five person vehicle. Mathematics is hard for people. Yes I’m the driver so that’s six people trying to fit in the one car. Instead of me saying get an UberXL. I said just get in and then I nervously drove way over my quota. Not going to be doing that too often that’s for sure.
One gentleman asked me how many people ask me about Australia. I said tons. Then proceeded to discuss when a construction worker used the word crikey in the wrong context. Next thing you know a raccoon pops up around the corner with three deer in the vicinity. I yelled crikey at the top of my lungs. Great now this guy thinks I’m some kind of Steve Irwin. But hold on he’s from Kansas so I said do you ever get the feeling you’re not in Kansas anymore? He smirked and said yeah I’ve heard that a million times. Yep I bet you have, I remarked.
Had a guy called Denton. Not the famous Australian chap Andrew Denton. Just Denton. First name Denton. Yep. Denton.
Oh the weird lady that hit on me the other night after telling her to not assault her. She was back, this time with her boyfriend. She was really quiet for some reason. Not sure why?
Next customer oh boy. Travis. Yep his lady friend Candy. He told her to not eat my Hi Chews because they might be drugged. Yeah sure mate. I really want to ruin my 5 star rating by drugging people. Anywho they wanted to stop for smokes, when Suddenly Candy exclaimed Dingo ate my baby! I said really? You’re the first customer to say that. We stopped at the servo. Then she proceeded to to eat my drugs, I mean Hi Chews and told me to not tell Travis. She then took a selfie with me in it and wanted me to add her on Instagram. I said sure let me write it down. (Yeah like I’m going to add you). Humoring customers is the best. Travis came back and saw she had eaten a Hi Chew and was pissed. I just laughed and eventually dropped them off at their hotel and she said she wanted to leave Travis for me. Oh boy!
The following customer wanted me to drive their car to another parking spot. I said yeah first let me lock my car and get my phone. That was fine. Literally just had to move it a few feet away. Oh the guy asked if I drive stick prior to all this. I said do you know who I am? He said no. Well you should. He asked why’s that? I’m your Uber Driver I can pretty much drive a train. (I cannot drive a train). His partner in crime used a sick bag in my car. Hooray. No mess. Apparently I was a legend.
Finally the last customer I picked up was Trevor. He pretty much said Australian tourists are the worst, but we did the right thing about gun laws. Really don’t know how I felt about that one.
Forgot about this the other night. Enjoy your flight I said as I dropped her off at departures. Lady said you too. Oh! She exclaimed. Sorry. I laughed, she laughed. The cabbie down the road laughed. It was a great time.
